my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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