Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
