Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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