Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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