I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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