Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How does it feel to date your dad?
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