party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
