Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
