Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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