I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone