The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!