Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.