Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship