Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.

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  (847): O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions. http://tfl.nu/w6f3
  Replies (17) Good night (1551) Bad night (3913)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

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  (360): The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy... http://tfl.nu/q7uq
  Replies (14) Good night (1204) Bad night (2414)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.

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  (918): Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building. http://tfl.nu/yoz8
  Replies (44) Good night (6143) Bad night (796)
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  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

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  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1994) Bad night (7986)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

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  (512): just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification. http://tfl.nu/d300
  Replies (12) Good night (6135) Bad night (1008)
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  (707): View more from California

  Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.

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  (707): Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman. http://tfl.nu/78fa
  Replies (2) Good night (1173) Bad night (2085)
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  (408): View more from California

  Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?

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  (408): Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar? http://tfl.nu/xsyo
  Replies (6) Good night (1810) Bad night (725)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level

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  (706): I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level http://tfl.nu/0mkf
  Replies (12) Good night (1482) Bad night (991)
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  (914): View more from New York

  at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.

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  (914): at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock. http://tfl.nu/0hid
  Replies (9) Good night (1672) Bad night (652)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.

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  (520): Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots. http://tfl.nu/9hrm
  Replies (6) Good night (2242) Bad night (1062)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.

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  (541): I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do. http://tfl.nu/nqe0
  Replies (1) Good night (934) Bad night (769)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"

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  (616): We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!" http://tfl.nu/th1o
  Replies (13) Good night (1977) Bad night (487)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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  (773): who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this. http://tfl.nu/j8g2
  Replies (1) Good night (550) Bad night (271)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.

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  (804): I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center. http://tfl.nu/60kx
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (222)
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  (347): View more from New York

  my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs

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  (347): my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs http://tfl.nu/7wjm
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (259)

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