why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
