I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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