so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
