I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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