He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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