Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize