My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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