theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
