You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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