Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
