Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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