My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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