apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
