I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think my vagina is haunted
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
