i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
