Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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