did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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