Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
