so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
did you just send me my own nude
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
