He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
