he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We are all done wearing pants today
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
