1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
