You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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