so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
