I'm so fucking centered right now
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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