Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
