i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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