I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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