With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
