He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
