i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
