Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
