I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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