considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
