so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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