We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
