i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
