I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
