dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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