his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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