My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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