Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
