he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
