kristin has been a bad kristin
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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