Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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