she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
