it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
