Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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