i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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