She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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