I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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