I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
