I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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