I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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