Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
