Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
