Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
