Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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