At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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