Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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