So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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