i think my tv is drunk
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
